I'm not always as confident as I seem ... there are many
nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. Always.
Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me ... sometimes I just
want a hug ... someone who will let me cry. I like when boys cry in front of me
-- when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like
when people run from their true feelings because it doesn't do anyone any good.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to
be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I
know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh. I've been taken
advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But
I still believe that all people are good at heart ... and my trust in people
has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever.
"It hurts to look at yourself in the mirror and hate
yourself, look into the mirror and wonder what ever happened to that smile that
used to shine so bright. When you look at yourself, you see this version of
"you" that your mind has created, someone that has become so distant
and cold that nobody wants to be around her. Empty eyes. Fragile bones. The
only thing you have left are the lies you tell yourself everyday to survive,
lies that have become your painful reality, lies that will swallow you whole
and crush your insides, lies that have turned you into someone you never wanted
to be.."
Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk
to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But
at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way
to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want
anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being
comforting and being along never was. At least when you're alone no one will
constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't
know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling
will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then
all you can do is wait.
