Many times people don’t wait long enough to see if a desire lasts to distinguish between whether they are urges or cravings, between their wants and needs, in any part of life. They figure they if they don’t do something then its just going to be on their mind or eat away at them.
Think of it this way, you have a girlfriend, you meet another girl, she seems interested regardless of your relationship status, because well it’s not her problem either way, so now the choice is yours. Is this a passing urge to take this woman down? Or do you honestly think that if you remain faithful to the woman you are with you will genuinely be missing out on the greatest sex you could have ever had and will be thinking about it for weeks, months, years to come? Yea, I doubt it. So that extra second that you take to think over your possible actions, the repercussions of them, and how worth it they would be, is when your choice first rears its ever so obvious head. After getting caught cheating people are very quick to say they’re sorry. They are not sorry they cheated. They are sorry they got caught. They wanted to cheat. From personal experience, I have yet to learn my lesson about cheating, I haven’t ever been caught and in turn I have never been sorry I cheated, because that was my choice. You always have a choice, and it’s up to you if you choose to exercise it, it is a free country after all.
Choices also play a big role in the dating world. Before a woman is your girlfriend and you are making choices on how to treat her, you make definitive decisions on how to show her you’re interested and at what level to pursue her. If you want this woman to play a significant role in your life, if you want her to know how much you care about her or even if you just want to put an honest effort into courting her you are going to make choices that reflect this. Say you live in different cities, and she comes into town to visit you. You hang out while she is in town and have a good time. You know the day that she is leaving to go back home, and you also realize you have some things to do that day. Now, right here is where you decide the things that you want to do, because in actuality everything at that point needs to be done. Now if you choose not to hit this girl up, hang out with her at all, even for a goodbye kiss, hug or drink, the only thing she would be left to assume is that you did notwant to see her. Which is not only telling of your personality, but of the level of care you have for her and how she feels about you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, busy is bullshit.
This is the same if she does live near you, and she plans a date, or an event that you know is important to her and you decide to blow it off or cancel, that right there is sending a message. Whether you mean it to be dismissive of her feelings or not, that is how it will appear to her.
Many times men do things that they don’t see to be a big deal and don’t realize that to a woman who is analyzing your every move and who is often looking for signs, signals and hints on if you’re interested, it can make a world of difference. You can say it’s ridiculous or hate the fact that it happens, but it won’t change that it does happen with about 90% of women at some point or another. The lack of true expression of feeling is partly to blame for it. Being cautious of their hearts and emotions men and women tend not to want to put everything out there on the table, even when they truly know how they feel about someone.
Everyone does what they want, especially men. I say this because a lot of time many women are much more sacrificing and will do something that they really don’t want to because it means a lot to someone else. Men don’t usually have that same kind of internal filter, they do what they want to do, when they want to do it and for what ever reason they want it to be for. There is not a single thing wrong with this. Everyone is selfish and self serving at some point and why shouldn’t you be? But it is important to remember that as much as the excuse that you did something because you” wanted to” can be used, the opposite is true as well. You weren’t faithful because you didn’t want to be, you didn’t call when you said you would because you didn’t want to call, you didn’t make an effort to spend time with her because you didn’t want to see her. You weigh your wants, think of their repercussions and then act accordingly. I have gone to the gym and canceled a date with a guy before because I wanted to workout more than I wanted to go out with the guy. I could have cared less if he was up set I canceled at the last minute, and I wouldn’t try to make myself feel better by saying otherwise, it’d be a lie.
I give all of these examples to drive in the fact that when you’re bullshitting, you can be sure a woman will most likely know. In your mid-twenties you are almost even more selfish than in your teens. You are trying to find out exactly what is going to fit for the rest of your life, what job, which hobbies and what kind of partner. You are totally and completely thinking of what will make you happy, what you want out of life and what you have to do to get it. Doing what is best for you in a situation and getting the results that you truly desire is usually one of your highest priorities. So, do us all a favor and just be honest, and put in some effort, basically shit or get off the pot, if you really don’t want her, then let her go, if you do, the don’t just talk about it, be about. Enough with, I had to, I forgot, I just couldn’t help it, I wish I could, I was busy, I really do like you but…if you did, could, wished, or thought and didn’t then it just wasn’t what you wanted. Enough with the excuses gentlemen.
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