The Committed Should Be Committed

Word of advice: When you’re a single girl living in New York and having a moment of crisis on what to write for your blog post the next day…don’t chat it up with your happy, pregnant and married friend and her husband the night before. In addition, don’t ask said couple for advice on what to write for your blog the next day, because they will then in turn hold you to that offhand comment you made earlier about being ready for a commitment while caught up in their happy pregnant and married rapture. I swear they will and then, they’ll make you write about it…

The Committed Should Be Committed:

Okay, okay, maybe not committed. But I do believe anything that is difficult, like without a doubt hard as all hell, like, losing weight, running a marathon or saying “I love you” requires a person to be just a little bit off their shit. You’ve got to be just a little bit crazy to knock your calorie intake down to 1100 a day, or to finish that 26^th mile or to decide that you are going to spend a better part of your life with just one person, knowing good and well that that there are over 6 BILLION people in the world. Now, of course, not all of them are a potential match for you, but consider that number for a minute. You’ve got to be damn near crazy to decide: “I know how many people are out there, I understand that the possibilities, options and opportunities are endless, but this is my ONE.”

Now, I am not saying that I will never continue the journey down the path of being totally nuts and end up running a marathon or even getting married. But I would like to give a shout out to all of you that are completely and totally committed to being committed. This post is for you, a general hats off and keep up the good work because the rest of us are looking for some positive examples.

As you know the summer is engagement, wedding and baby season. Yep, all three bombarding your eyes, ears, mailbox and wallet on a weekly basis. And honestly, it’s not so bad. I enjoy seeing my friend that I used to dance on tables with settling down with the love of her life or my girl who could drink me under the table sipping on only virgin drinks because she’s expecting. Because I know they’re happy and that they’ve made their commitment.

What I can say I do hate is the ugly side of commitment also known as blind devotion.  In the same breath that I have all of these positive life role models around, I have seen in the past many friends, female and male suffer from this insane idea that the person they are with is the one just because of the time they’ve put in. I immediately think of when Samantha (from Sex and The City, duh, what other reference point would I have?) was trying to decide whether to stay with her long term boyfriend because “he stayed with me through chemo.” The ladies of SATC and I agreed that this was no reason to stay with someone. Unquestioned dedication because they were there through a hard time, or because at one point you thought they were going to be the one, only leads to bad decisions and the dreaded settling.

Just like preparing for a marathon, upping the miles you run each week and working on speed training, or paying attention to how you’re losing weight and making sure to get the right vitamins and food groups, you’ve got to take care of your love life. You’ve got to know how you want to be treated, find someone that respects that, know when you are not getting what you deserve and fix that. I read the following statement on a blog (that kind of worries me) this week: “Men want respect and women want love.”  And after gagging a little, I thought about how both parties not only want BOTH of those things, but deserve it from someone that they’ve decided to be committed to.

We all have the exact love life that we want. So if you are with someone that doesn’t treat you as they should. If you’re single and want to find someone to love. Or if you’re on the fence and you’re not sure if the person you are with is the one. Don’t look at the person treating you like shit, or the man/woman not pursuing you, or even the partner that is or is not forcing you to make a choice about your future, consider first, yourself. Be committed to making a decision that is best for you and your future and see how someone else plays into that. If you don’t first respect your own personal needs and love who you are, your commitment to someone else could find you acting in a way that you would tell friends to avoid, or leave you looking for love in the wrong places and with the wrong people. (Steps off of soap box)

In the end, commit to loving you. Be dedicated to being the person you’ve always wanted to be. Have devotion to your goals and dreams. Love who you are, as you are. And then, without a doubt you will be ready to share that with someone else who is just as insane as you are. Just like the happy married couple that made me write this post did…