The Opposite of Love…

She broke your heart. Told you lies. Made you question love, life….even yourself. Fuck her. You hate that B anyways, she was useless, lazy in bed, selfish, talked to damn much and just plain old didn’t get you. You hate her. Fine. Now that that’s over, move on.

The opposite of love is not hate, or anger its indifference. You hating her, trashing her name and plain old treating her as if she is the scum of the earth, is exactly what tells her you’re still just that into her. And trust me women just as much as men feed off of any emotion you have to offer.

Over the past week, as it is with many of my posts, I have been talking a lot with friends about this exact concept. Now it is especially useful on men because well, us women are seen to be over emotional and always looking to express something, so the second it seems as if we just don’t give a damn, well that’s when you know you’ve lost us.  When a woman is mad at you and telling you about yourself, you know that you’ve still got her, she might be mad right now, but what matters is that she has some kind of emotion towards you. The second that emotion is gone, she is cordial but not overly nice, talks to you if needed but otherwise keeps her distance in a respectable way and just in general can’t be bothered to put anything else into you or your relationship…well then, you know you’re old news and she’s just not that into you anymore.

Women get this too, if a guy I’m dating cares enough to be mad at me, I may feel bad for a moment, but I realize that at least he feels something, at least he cares enough to feel, and then I am thankful for that, and see what I can do to make whatever it is right again. Indifference pushes the one in the wrong to actually think about what they’ve done, they don’t have your reaction to go off of so they have to go with what they feel, it promotes inner reflection, thought, and then realization that the next move if there is one, has to be their own.

This carries on into your next relationship as well. The new girl shouldn’t have to deal with your past relationship just to start a new one, trust me we have enough shit going on in our heads about what is or isn’t happening to have to start thinking and worrying about why you still have so much emotion invested in the last girl. If you’re mad that means you still have issues, if you still have issues, tell her, its not a deal breaker, she isn’t going to decide she just isn’t that into you because you used to be so into someone else, but I am sure she would at least like to know, I mean I would. I’ve only had one friend who honestly would go a little bat shit over her bf having any kind of relationship with his ex, like she wanted to just pretend the other girl never existed. To say that she often went to extremes to make this happen is an understatement, but she, as much as I love her, was an extreme case.

We know, especially when you hit your mid-twenties, that we are not going to find a man that is completely baggage free. There is no one that has nothing that they are carrying into their next relationship, but it’s how you address it that counts. I am tempted to reference one of the great Sex and the City episodes where Carrie’s new boyfriend gets a voicemail from his ex while she is at his house and he gives the double middle finger to the machine as she is talking. Not only was that shit hilarious, but it signaled that he clearly had some issues to work out.

Back to indifference…Women like men strive off of any little bit you give them. They analyze it, talk it over with their friends, question its motives and then rest on the fact that they are just going to have to wait and see. Say your girl seems “too busy” to hang out and she starts to schedule you in on certain days of the week, like “Well I see Mike on Saturday’s”. Say you don’t like just seeing her on Saturday and you’ve tried to tell her, she says she has other things going on, you get mad, she responds by still just seeing you on Saturday’s and you don’t think there is anything else to do besides suck it up or end it. Let me suggest this, next Saturday be busy. And the Saturday after that, make plans with the guys. If she isn’t going to make your relationship a priority, then why should you? Now, when you’re doing this, don’t have an attitude or act vengeful just tell her very straightforward and calmly that you “have other plans”. Your laid back demeanor, and relaxed tone will signal to her your over being mad about it, and she will get that you being over anger could mean you will be over her soon…and she’ll most likely find another day during the week to see you. It is not a game, its attitude adjustment. Everyone wants to know that they have some kind of control in their relationship. If they realize they don’t have control over you, regardless of how much you may let them believe they do, they will catch on quick and change their bullshittin’ ways.

You don’t have to be angry, vengeful, rude or mean, its just not worth it. People do what they want, simple fact. So until you challenge their wants by making them question how much you care about them, they will not have to reevaluate. So, hold your ground, calmly state your wants/needs/dislikes, and put on your poker face boys.